


Stop

by RiarkleMedia



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Crying, Cutting, F/M, dedicated, riley is depressed, sorry - Freeform, suicidal, trigger - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 15:07:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8849689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiarkleMedia/pseuds/RiarkleMedia
Summary: She's not okay. She hasn't been for a while. She wants everyone to be happy and she thinks they will be if she dies.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: trigger. This is angsty af. And sad af. Suicide attempts, self hate.

Dedicated to Gabriella. If you read this know that I love you, I'm here for you and that honestly, I understand. Things are tough right now but soon, U don't know when but soon, you'll be happy, truly happy. You are an amazing, kind, funny person and no matter what other people say you'll always be perfect to me.  
I love you.

Inspired by The Greatest sung by Madilyn Paige.

 

Stop (warning: trigger, self harm happy ending at end)

 

I hate myself and so does everyone else. Lucas is mad, the others left and I know Maya wishes she'd gone with them.  
I cry myself to sleep every night and cry myself awake every morning. I throw things at my mirror every time I see my reflection. I scream every time I cut because it burns. I can't stop though.  
It's like a drug. I deserve the pain, I ruined everything. I listened to those seniors, I had too much faith. That's all over now. I can't take it anymore. I want it to stop.  
The constant glares, the numb feeling I've had for the past month. I want the emptiness I feel inside to stop tearing me apart.  
Something is wrong with me. There has to be. Why else would I be such a screw up.  
I'm on the floor of my bathroom, the knife in my hands. I admire the scars on my wrists. They're beautiful. I don't want to feel like this. I want someone to hold me, tell me it's okay.  
Except, I have no one. If I had someone I wouldn't feel like this. Maya hasn't answered my texts all day and the others are all angry. They say they aren't but I can see it in their eyes. They've hated me ever since the first day of high school. They tell me they're my friends but I know they wish they weren't.  
I'm not okay, I haven't been for a while.   
I don't think anyones cared enough to notice.   
I close my eyes and place the blade on my skin. I take a deep breath and just as I'm about to start I hear something drop.  
I open my eyes and look up. Farkle's standing there, mouth open. Before I know it he's kneeled next to me and taken the knife from my hand. He's thrown it across the room.  
I whine trying to reach for it. He pulls me back and holds me still, plunging his deep blue eyes in mine.  
He has tears in his eyes and his shoulders are shaking. He pulls me into a hug and doesn't let go. He holds me tight and I burst into tears. I burry my face in his shirt and sob.   
I cry harder than ever, finally letting go completely. He strokes my hair and kisses my forehead. That just makes me cry even harder and louder.  
I cry all the time but this is more powerful. I'm getting rid of all the pain that wouldn't leave when I cut. I get most of it out but there's always something left.

I'm not saying I'm not sad anymore, no, I still want to die but right now I feel safe.

I grab his shirt and scream. I scream till my voice can't take it anymore. He doesn't say anything, doesn't move or flinch, he just continues to hold me.  
I feel like he's telling me something but I can't hear anything. All I can hear are the sobs escaping from my chest.  
I'm trembling.  
I don't want him to leave, he will. I know he's only holding me because he's pitying me. Poor Riley tried to kill herself again.  
I want to stay in his arms forever. I wrap my arms around him and pull him closer. He hides his face in my hair.  
I feel his tears fall to my shoulder. I feel bad that he's crying because of me.

I don't know when but I fall asleep.

When I wake up I'm in a bed, not mine. I'm not alone. Somebody's got his arm around my waist. I sit up and when my eyes adjust to the darkness I recognize the ceiling. I'm in Farkle's bedroom.  
And he's next to me.   
I try to move out if his grip but he just pulls my body to his. I'm trapped.  
I'm not saying I don't enjoy feeling his heartbeat next to mine, or the feeling of his hot breath on my neck. But I want to get away. I know if I stay here, with him and something happens I'll ruin everything.  
I'm a mess. I don't feel like a mess right now. I feel normal, kind of.  
I know I'm sad I just don't feel it.  
I close my eyes and turn around.   
I take in all of his beautiful features. His cute little nose, his deep blue eyes, his perfect jawline and his...kissable lips.  
I look away, knowing I'll never have anything good.  
I don't deserve it.  
Lucas stopped liking me, Zay stays out of it, and Smackle openly hates me.  
Only I can see it apparently.

I sigh and feel Farkle shift position.  
His eyes open and he gazes into my eyes. I feel my eyes tear up so I look down.   
He lifts my chin and whispers:  
"I don't know why you're so sad but I want you to know you're not alone, I'm here for you."

"You're lying."

"I'm not, I promise."

"But..don't you hate me?"my voice is on the verge of cracking.

"Of course I don't hate you. Riley, I...I love you."

My heart jumps, I want to tell him I love him too but I'm scared. Scared he's joking and any second he's gonna gag and back away telling me he couldn't go through with the bet.  
He doesn't. He's still waiting for me to say something. I don't know what to do.   
I look up again and see the only emotion in his eyes is pain. I'm making him hurt.  
I push down the horrible feeling I have and inch closer. His eyes widen slightly and before he says anything I kiss him.   
He wraps his arms around me and I smile. He smells of pineapple and vanilla.   
I feel lighter. Not because I feel like I need a man to make me feel better. No way. Because finally, finally, I feel less alone.  
I'm not done hating myself but maybe, just maybe things'll get better. Because now, now that I'm not entirely alone, I have someone to help me keep hope.  
I don't feel better. I feel lighter. I'm not happy. I'm not alone anymore though. At least not entirely.  
I need to work to get Maya back. And Lucas. And the others.   
I'm sick of life, I need to take charge, change what makes me unhappy.  
It won't happen right away. It won't be immediate or like all of a sudden I'll be me again. It won't be easy. But in the end this will make me stronger than I was before.  
Stronger than the weak as fuck girl I am right now.   
Because she's not me. I'm just renting her.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm here for any/all of those in need of my help or someone to talk to.  
> Message me @:  
> RiarkleMedia (anywhere on social media basically)


End file.
